


Appendix

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: Pick Me Up [23]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2017-2018 NHL Season, M/M, Pick-Up Lines, Toronto Maple Leafs, no plot; just a cavalcade of rotating emotional realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 13:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14619477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: "Matts is really chill about stuff, and Mitch knows they both value their friendship, but he also knows Matts’ air of cool detachment is mostly a front."





	Appendix

_Are you my shoulder? Because separation sucks._

\--

Auston’s not the type to put anyone on a pedestal, because that’s not a great way to have healthy interpersonal relationships. Expecting someone to be perfect inevitably means feeling let down by them, and it’s not even really fair to feel that way, because it’s not their fault that the unrealistic expectations were set up in the first place. So he doesn’t hold Marns up like that, despite the feelings that have been creeping in his stomach since long before he boarded the plane home, despite the fact that Marns is pretty fucking awesome _anyway_. 

Instead, Auston just misses the real parts of Marns, the way he’s always so enthusiastic about getting on the ice, the way he unabashedly loves Toronto, calling it “your city,” laughing when Auston corrects, “our city.” He misses Marns’ bad taste in music, his constant ineffective chirping, his goofy fucking smile. Most of all, Auston misses their time together, hanging out, playing video games, singing on the bench.

He wants Marns to show up at his door uninvited to take him to yet another “best restaurant in Toronto,” wants to be stared at by autograph-seekers until they get the guts to ask for what they want, wants to sign his name side-by-side with Marns’ on all their stuff.

But, for now, he’s home, with all his family surrounding him, and he’s missed them a lot, too. 

Marns can wait.

\--

_Are you my legs? Because you always support me._

\--

Mitch _can_ wait, contrary to popular opinion, _Willy_. He’s actually extremely patient about waiting for the right moment. People just think he’s not because he moves fast when the moment arrives. He was patient at the draft, even when he was totally sure Toronto would pick him, and he can be patient now, about Matts.

Of course, he’s not as sure that Matts wants him as he was that Toronto did, so that makes waiting a little easier, but there are a few signs here and there: the way they’re still carpooling, the way they always seem to gravitate to each other no matter who else is around, the way Matts looks at him sometimes, weird thinking face engaged.

Mostly, though, it’s the way Matts is always there for him, cheering him on, trying to lift his spirits every time he ends up on the fourth line, feeling expendable, like his childhood dream hangs in the balance. Matts never has to ask how Mitch is feeling. He just comforts him as best as he can.

Sometimes Mitch wonders if Matts feels this way about the Coyotes, or at least some way similar. He never has the courage to ask.

Sometimes, Mitch wonders just how much Matts knows.

\--

_Are you my nose? Because people talk about your size a lot._

\--

The list of things Auston doesn’t know is pretty long - why, exactly, is the sky blue, again? - but one thing he’s pretty sure of: people will never stop talking about his nose. And, okay, he gets that he’s not exactly traditionally handsome, but he never really felt self-conscious about his appearance before this, and it can get pretty depressing sometimes. Auston really wants Marns to find him attractive, in spite of the comments. He’s kind of stupidly invested in Marns’ opinion, actually, to the point where he finally asks. “It suits you,” Marns says, upside down on the couch with an Xbox controller in his hands, and Auston’s heart gives an embarrassing swoop.

On Insta later, he’s going through the comments on some of Marns’ old posts, the usual mix of “GO LEAFS GO,” “u suck,” and “omg my smol son,” and, well - Auston’s gotten “smol” comments too, but he’s never stopped to wonder if it might bother Marns, because - Marns is average height, for the NHL, but his build and his face make him look smaller and younger, and if Auston could wind up with feelings about something as insignificant as his nose, then Marns could definitely have some about his size, especially with Babs the way he is. So Auston makes sure, the next time a height joke goes around the room, to find Marns afterwards, and tell him, “I think you’re the perfect height, you know?”

And Marns smiles his usual smile and socks Auston in the shoulder. “Thanks, Matts,” he says, and wanders off to have some sort of discussion with Brownie. Auston watches him go, idly wondering whether Marns smiles that much in bed.

_Fuck._

\--

_Are you my lips? Because I want to lick you all over._

\--

Mitch has never slept with anyone Matts’ size. Then again, he hasn’t really slept with anyone since Juniors, and not very many even then, especially if brojobs don’t count.

Sometimes he’s not really sure if he even wants to sleep with Matts, though really it’s not because he doesn’t want to but because he’s not sure whether it’s a good idea, like, _at all_. Matts is really chill about stuff, and Mitch knows they both value their friendship, but he also knows Matts’ air of cool detachment is mostly a front, and that sex can do weird things to friendships, one of which is make them stop existing.

Still, Mitch doesn’t see any harm in fantasizing, as long as he doesn’t let it bleed over into real life or team stuff or whatever. If he keeps it to himself, how much trouble can it really cause?

And there’s a lot to fantasize about, with Matts. Not just with his hands, which are ridiculously dextrous, or his legs, which are ridiculously long and could probably power the entirety of Markham for like ten minutes, but also with that spark of creativity he sometimes shows on the ice, the kind that makes opponents look like Mites, makes Mitch a little glad they’re not usually on the same line, so he can watch.

\--

_Are you my stomach? Because you kind of flipped and it freaked me out._

\--

Auston kind of hates that he’s not often on the ice with Marns, because his eye is always drawn to him. Sometimes this is a good thing, like when Marns just completely shreds everyone with his speed and scores on the breakaway, slamming into the glass with his linemates on his heels, giant grin on his face, and the only thing Auston has to be unhappy about is the fact that he’s not in the pile too. Sometimes it’s less good, like when they’re playing Boston, and Marchand stands Marns up at the blue line with a low-looking hit that has him tumbling to the ice, Auston on his feet almost at once, no call from the refs with Marns slow to get up, and the worst thing of all is that he can’t jump on the ice now, can’t go in fists flying, looking for some approximation of justice.

His mother always tells him that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but this is Marns that was lying on the ice, and Auston kind of feels like he really _would_ blind the whole world for him, if it would help anything. It wouldn’t, though, and Babs would probably kill him if he got suspended for such a stupid reason. Besides, Marns can defend his own honour, anyway, either later in this game or the next time they’re in Boston, and goals, in the long run, are safer and more satisfying than fists.

\--

_Are you my heart? Because I never want you to be broken._

\--

Mitch sees the whole thing in a kind of slow-motion frozen horror. Matts takes a totally normal hit and gets back up like it’s nothing, but when he skates back to the bench there’s something slightly off about it. He’s not limping or grimacing - he looks fine - but there’s obviously something wrong, and Mitch’s worst suspicions are confirmed when Matts goes straight down the tunnel.

Everyone else seems surprised and not too worried, but Mitch is freaking out, like, a lot, and it takes the calming weight of Marty’s arm over his shoulders to hold him to the bench, keep him in the game, prevent him from dropping his stick and sprinting down the tunnel to find out what’s wrong with Matts, whether he’ll be okay or out for weeks on end.

He doesn’t want to think about what the team, Matts’ team, will do without him.

So he doesn’t think about it. He keeps trying to do math in his head, to try and figure out how long it’s been since Matts left, how long it’s going to be in real time, not game time, before the period ends and he can go see Matts. It’s not his strong suit, which makes it a pretty good distraction, all things considered.

The horn sounds. Mitch makes himself walk slow.

“Matts, are you okay?”

\--

_Are you my hand? Because I want you to hold… you?_

\--

Auston isn’t okay, exactly, but he’s definitely been hurt worse than this before, and he probably will be again, so he’s not really too worried about it. The team is comfortably in a playoff spot, after all, and they’ll stay there with or without him. There are really only two things that actually seem like cause for concern to him. The first is that he might get bored. Every time Auston’s been injured before, he’s had his family and friends with him, people who could tease him, entertain him, help him keep his spirits up. Now he has his team, but what will he do when they’re on roadtrips? Will he sit alone in his dark condo, yearning only for the light of the television on the nights they’ll play? He’s honestly not sure how else he can react.

And then there’s the other thing: Auston doesn’t want Marns to feel lonely either. They almost always sit together on the plane, talking, playing cards, or just sitting quietly, content in each other’s company without needing words. Maybe Patty will keep him occupied? But Mitch will be worrying about Auston, too, and being a distraction like that is the last thing he wants.

In some ways, it almost feels like they’re already dating, the way they care so deeply about each other, even if Auston’s never had the courage to mention his feelings to Marns. But maybe, when he’s healthy again…

\--

_Are you my lungs? Because sometimes you make me stop breathing._

\--

Mitch has had enough of silence, when it comes to him and Matts. There’s too much between them for Mitch to keep his fantasies to himself anymore, even if he could keep kidding himself that Matts isn’t interested.

He is interested, and it’s obvious - the way he lights up when he sees Mitch, the way they catch each other looking all the time - and Mitch is so tired of playing the “will they/won’t they” game with himself, tired of restraining his hands and his words and his heart every minute that Matts is around.

Sometimes - most of the time, even - when he’s with Matts, Mitch feels like he’s holding his breath, always waiting for his moment.

And now they’re alone, and this is the moment.

“Are you my appendix? Because you give me this weird feeling that makes me want to take you out.”

Matts doesn’t respond, just stands there gaping and, like, not breathing, and Mitch is really kind of worried about him, if only because Babs will be furious if he broke their star centre.

“Auston?” he asks, voice deceptively steady and calm, and maybe Mitch isn’t breathing either, now, come to think of it.

But at the sound of his name, Matts’ chill facade kind of collapses in on itself, and his arms kind of collapse around Mitch, burying his face in his shoulder.

“Yeah, Mitchy,” Matts says, a little breathlessly, and he’s probably drooling on Mitch’s sleeve or something but that really could not possibly matter less right now. “Yeah.”

\--

_Are you mine? Because I’m yours._

**Author's Note:**

> \- I got SO BLOCKED on this one, I ended up having to brainstorm a framework for it in order to finally get it done. Weirdly I seem to work better within a set of clearly defined constraints?  
> \- There is really a rule that you automatically get kicked out of the game if you jump on the ice to fight. I think it's only supposed to apply to line brawls but ? ? ?


End file.
